Duwa and FX... last notes

Wow.
FX forever! I hope this entry isn’t as discouraging as it is long—very long. Pang-FWA na!

On a more serious note, I really love Stage FX. It’s really fulfilling that, after all those practices, we had a successful show. Although not perfect, it was close enough. I am really glad that I decided to join this club.

After all the days of practice, especially those that reached 10:30+pm, I can say everything was paid off fully. Even though it brought a lot of stress, depression, failure and all other things found in Pandora’s Box, I still can say that I couldn’t have survived without Stage FX.

School, high school for that matter, is really stressful. Everyday, there’s homework; every week, there’s a new deadline. Oral test this, portfolio that, ORR this, creative synthesis there, AA here. The work just keeps piling up together with all those other personal problems brought up by teenage angst. I guess the year would have been a waste if it wasn’t for FX—and my friends, too.

Duwa is definitely something I am very, very proud of. Not in a way wherein newspapers need to write a review talking about how it’s like no other theatre show, but in a way that it has helped me grown as a person. (Quite hard to understand? I know I’m not making sense, just pretend.) I mean, it’s taught me a lot about life; its variety. How you have to strive hard to achieve something great. How each detail is important because the jigsaw puzzle wouldn’t be as lovely in the end if we didn’t put up with each piece. How each struggle brings the best in each and every one of us.

FX has made me do things unbelievable and unimaginable. At first, I thought it would be just like the grade school’s X-Rep; only, it would have actual presentations, but by the first day itself, it proved to be a challenge. Even if I fell face-flat on the lecture hall ramp while vocalizing and running around with my hands up, I kept running. Even if it ended later than usual, I was fine. Even if I barely new the members and I wasn’t really close to those I know, I stood up.

FX helped made me face a different kind of rejection-acceptance experience. Who knew I’d end up speaking better Filipino because of it? (Well, better than before at least. I am proud to admit I still have an English mix to my Tagalog) Who knew you could get a kissing scene—one not ideal, one that’s fake, one I still don’t want to be reminded of because of what might have happened in the end (please don’t remind me, hehe), aren’t you glad it was removed?—in your first audition? Who knew I would actually curse—in Filipino? (Who knew people don’t know I don’t curse in English?) Who knew? Who knew?

Yes, to those who are out of the group, I auditioned for the role of Andres Gorospe in Condemned. I, instead, was forced to do an excerpt of Kristiyano in Hulugan. Up to this day, I don’t know why I got that role since I was, as they say, out of character and barok in Tagalog, but I am very proud that I was chosen to do Kristiyano. It was definitely more than what I bargained for. It was more challenging than any other role that could have been offered—or forced—unto me.

This drama club helped me become open to suggestion, criticism and change. I still remember those days that I would say Jesus and putang ina. Instead of the oh so Filipino-rich accent, I would say Jeses and not Jesoos. Or maybe the times I would say “p-p-p-putang ina”? Laugh with me all you want, but I can’t deny it.

I’d remember our first gig during the talent drive, and I’d still wonder how much worse I was then compared to now. I’d remember the extra Saturday practices we had before that. I remember the times Jerrick, CY, Perez and I would try out the most obscene, awkward, uncomfortable, hilarious, heat-capturing, space-consuming positions as practice for blocking and levels. I’d remember how I’d die and how my bones were about to break, and that one time I already couldn’t breathe. Resilience. I stood strong. We stood strong. We survived.

I remember those workshop moments. The breathing exercises, the paint-a-moving picture, the spotlight. Hilarious as it is, it also helped us improve our talents and lessened the stress we were carrying. Laughs and enjoyment aren’t harmful. I remember how much KFC we’ve been eating. Yum.

FX night. That was definitely a memory. I wouldn’t have missed it for the world. Although it was a night of serious practice, it was surely very fun. It made our FX family’s bond stronger. Rolling down the lecture hall, secret trips ;), fighting over the shower, leaving people in the shower with the lights off, Moulin Rouge, ghosts, dancing, remedial Math class, etc. That was a night.

And the practices. Who could forget? Those nights were as tiring as hell. The last time I had so much stress was during the Choral Recitation. Although, that was different. Then, the frustration was pointless because I’d walk up the next day to experience déjà vu. Kim, is your butt heavy? Who meowed? Do you love each other? WESTON! KARL! BENJAMIN! Karl, is the world beautiful? Those wretched memories. Stage FX was different. After a moment of purgation of emotion—deep emotion at that,—we suddenly grew better. Practice was more exciting. We lived every moment of it. And we went home at a late time. (It’s a good thing there wasn’t much homework.)

The next day: The play-date! No one would know how much stress and nervousness we were feeling. We were running very late; the crowd was restless. As I slowly opened the curtains, the oxygen was running low. The heart beats. Tugdug. Tugdug.

I couldn’t distinguish the jeers from the applauds. Was there something wrong with me? I guess stage fright got to me. I committed a lot of mistakes during the dance sequences. Not to mention how poorly I did during Hulugan. I couldn’t even be heard. (Up to now, I can’t even finish watching the video clips taken from those days.)

I wasn’t down and out or anything, just quite embarrassesd. Who wouldn’t? I guess what kept me up were the great comments (especially from the unexpected) and the great support of the FX family.

The next day was prime. It was exciting and I enjoyed it very much. I didn’t commit any more mistakes during the dance sequences. I don’t know about my volume, but I think—I THINK—it was better. Overall, it was great! Who knew you would be mobbed by comments from other people once you get out? And of course, the pictures! It was really great.

FX for life. At this point, I want to quote Stacey. “FX isn’t a group; it’s a family.” And I’m very proud to be part of that family. Thank you, SanLu, mister director, for all the guidance and dealing with my very amateur acting skills. Thank you, Perez, CY and Jerrick, for dealing with me. (No thanks given to those times when I was dead and… ehem.) Thank you, Kim, Mark and Christian, for being really close and approachable during the meetings. Thank you, Stacey, for teaching me the lights. (?!) Thank you, Mr. Legaspi, for being such a great moderator and mentor. Thank you, Ms. Lampa, for being really approachable and close to me even if we’ve only met each other during these times. Thank you, Ms. Yao, for all the fun and laughs, and the time inside the restricted areas. Hehehe. Thank you, Gng. Enaje, for helping me improve our acting. (Sorry for crying on you makeup, too.) Thank you, everyone! I may have not mentioned your names, but all of you have been very dear to me.

I love this family.

"FX isn't a group; it's a family!"

Wow. That was long! Really! Three MS Word pages! Parang aalis na ako. Haha. Farewell, everyone! But seriously, everything from above comes from my heart, black, bloody and imperfect as it is.

S*: 3.3: 10.18 BEWARE! Contagious: Duwa... See, it's so formal, binaba ko toh. Hahaha!