What's your profession?!

300 and Apocalypto

M: 3.26: 12.28 BEWARE! Contagious: Give It To Me by Timbaland f/ JT and Nelly Furtado and Last Night by Diddy ft. Keyshia Cole...

Wow. 2 Films.
300, I watched during the gimik.
Apocalypto, I watched days before... on DBD-DBD! HAHA!

Well, both films have historical basis. Both films are gory. Both films have "exposures." But that's where it stops. Haha!

SPOILERS AHEAD
highlight too see it.

In Apocalypto, Jaguar Paw's village was taken over by modern Mayans. There village was pillaged. Each villager is either taken captive or slain, while all the children are left alone. Well, Jaguar Paw, to prevent being held captive, left his pregnant wife and son in a pit near the village. He left them and helped the others. Somehow, when he was caught, the barbarian saw where he was looking and saw the pit. He didn't see the wife and child but saw a vine so he cut it... meaning he cut the chances of the wife and son ever coming up. Ow. So sad... well, they were tortured all the way to their city where they were going to be... dum-dum-dum SACRIFICED! On the way to the city, a little ill girl from nowhere and told the guards who rebuked her: "I know how you will die: The jaguar man in a day that became night and reborn of earth and mud would lead his enemies straight into the hands of those who would scratch them out." Ouch! Apparently, all their crops have died. So, just when it was his turn, an eclipse happened so he was saved because the eclipse is a sign from the gods. Haha. So, the modern Mayans wanted to play a torture game, so they let two villagers run(/race) towards their forest which is separated by a long barren sand field, dried up crops, pit of dead people, forest, river, and then.. their forest. So while they're running through the sand field, they'd either be: a) shot by arrow, b) shot by spear, or c) shot by that other weapon. Damn evil. So JP ran, he was shot by an arrow... ouch! And so there's this guy at the end who makes sure a person is dead by wacking him. So he comes near... but JP hits him with his arrow and own weapon. OH YEAH! And then, he eventually dies and JP escapes. Apparently, he was the son of the chief... dum-dum-dum. Because of this they (the chief and friends) chase after him. Then a prophecy was fulfilled throughtout the jungle. JP was running all over the palce knowing nothing... but when he arrived at his own jungle, he knew what he was doing and started killing them one by one if they hadn't been killed by the prophecy in the 1st jungle. (BTW, at this point, it starts raining... oh no wife! it's going to flood in the pit... but dum-dum-dum... at the same time, it's child-bearing time!) SO, the chief eventually dies with the trap he uses at the start of the movie to catch a tapir. OUCH! You should've seen it! And then, he saves his wife and children. He didn't kill of the last two... because they were amused by the new ships that're coming... the Conquistadors. In the end, JP, wife, son and baby live happily ever after away from the Spaniards. THE END. (Btw, if ur wondering how the wife and child survived in the pit, a monkey fell inside... so they must've eaten it... haha!) 300 naman is the story of King Leonidas and his 300 warriors. Apaprently, he by killing a wolf and returning to the city alive in hi steens made him the king of Sparta, Greece. He then had a wife and son. Well, he didn't give the Persians (Iranians) water and earth and killed their messenger by dropping them into an endless pit. So the Persians want revenge, so he goes to war against laws (fake laws actually by Persian-paid Spartan oracles) which prohibit him (because of festival). So, he goes against will and brings 500 of his best Spartan warriors. They meet up with some Arcadians (with the Haroo {watev! basta dinig ko Haroo... and so did other movie-goers} scene) and they prepare for the battle at the city gates (not a real gate) which is a narrow corridor with a cliff on each side. So, the Persians come and they send their first wave and Sparta wins... wee. So there's this hunchback who knew that the Persians could ebat them through the other path but was rejected entrance to the army because he couldn't hold the shield well... awww. So more Persians. They still win.... even with the Immortals, Goliath version2, Elephants, Rhinos, archers, etc. etc. etc. So the hunchback betrays them... and the Persians use the passage way so they are blocked on both sides. So the Xerxes comes instructs him to drop all weapons and kneel to him (coz he thinks he's the god). So when it seems like he's surrendering, he's actually aiming for the king wiht his spear (he dropped the shield bcoz it was heavy, the helmt coz he couldn't see, etc.) And misses him, but scars him. Some killing occured on the enemies but they all eventually died. Well, as all this was ahppening, the queen was in the city petitioning for more of the army to be released to help the 300. But then she was betrayed by her friend ho she had sex with a day before. THen she stabs him and they find out he was paid by the Persians. Hahaha... Well, they eventaully send them led by the messenger sent by the King becauase a) he was half-blind so he was the best to send and b) the story of the 300 must be told... so he led the whole army of Sparta together with other greeks... and they most probably won.

SPOILERS END HERE

Okay...
So APOCALYPTO was grand. I mean especially the human sacrifice seen. The heads rolling down the really long pyramid stairs... like... boing boing boing. And all the blood and killing and stuff. FANTASTIC! It was really good. Sayang nga lang I watched thru DBD-DBD because teh ending is like.... pirated. I mean. It goes stop.. and then credits agad. ANd like. DAMN! Hahaha! Oh well... Well, everything was jsut so cool. Yet it was sad. Maaawa ka talaga sa wife and child and sa mga nasasapit ng mga villagers. And when he was finally running and kicking butt i'm like OH YEAH!, THAT'S RIGHT, hit'im!!!, RUN (forrest) RUN!, COme on you'll make it! ANd when the hunters were killed, i'm like YEAH! with fits of joy... for each that die. HAHAHA!

Then there's 300...
It was also grand. Although, I wished it was in actual color rather than... Colored-sepia... it was not pleasing to the eye. Tsaka... where'd they get Leonidas get the apple, and the Spartans, breakfast? And... Xerxes, no offense, looks gay... hahha... Parang may makeup... hahah... I also wondered what's up with the blood. I mean... you slash 'em, blood splatters into the sky, and then disintegrates. Wazzup with that? There wasn't any blood on the floor if u noticed. Except in the scenes wherein everyone's dead... 'Coz everyone's on the floor... so u'd think there's blood na... hahaha... BUT OVERALL, IT WAS GREAT! Galing! I thought it would just be a battle adn all of them would keep shouting out instead of saying words (because that's what was happning at th start).. so that'd be boring... but then, my plot naman talaga. Haha! Galing!!! I loved it. And na-shock ako when he was surrendering.... wow... pero hindi pala kaya yehey! Hahaha... naintindihan ko rin nung na-scar si Xerxes... sana lang namatay... pero at least Leonidas proved that he isn't a god.... he's mortal and can get hurt. Hahaha. Wow. Galing grabe.

I liked both movies. Galing!

"Spartans, lay down your weapons!"
"Persians, Come adn get'em"

(Given solution to rub on manhood)
"If this works... she won't bother me."
"Your wife?"
"No, her mother. The old hag wants grandchildren."

"Give them nothing! But take from them everything!"

"I am Jaguar Paw, son of Flint Sky. My Father hunted this forest before me. My name is Jaguar Paw. I am a hunter. This is my forest. And my sons will hunt it with their sons after I am gone."

"Spartans! Enjoy your breakfast, for tonight, we dine in Hell!"

"Hey, I am walking here!"

"Our arrows will block out the sun."
"Then we will fight in the shade."

"The jaguar man in a day that became night and reborn of earth and mud would lead his enemies straight into the hands of those who would scratch them out."

"This is madness!"
"Madness? This is Sparta!"

"My son... don't be afraid."

"We Spartans have descended from Hercules himself. Taught never to retreat, never to surrender. Taught that death in the battlefield is the greatest glory he could achieve in his life. Spartans: the finest soldiers the world has ever known."

Spartan, what's your profession?
HAROO! HAROO! HAROO!

once again, i don't care if it's awoo or aroo or ahoo or whatever... basta rinig ko'y haroo! hahahahaha.