title of the blog

EMO. don't look here

crazy title.
i've been trying to think of a good one since the ride home. nothing really came to me. so i guess that'll do.

the truth is. my titles really are related to my blog... rather how i'm feeling at the moment. a few exceptions, i guess, are random songs and quotes. but most of the time, they'd have some significance.

let me share.
the very first title i thought of for this one is sometimes smoke.
but i found it too dangerous a title.

yes, i do smell smoke right now.
but no... it's not me. it's my tita.
no, it will never be me. never.

not because i don't want to be a hypocrite.
not because it's just another path towards death.
but because it'll just be another addiction. something i wouldn't want.

but i must admit, sometimes, the temptation is too strong.
too strong.
i'm not saying i've fallen. because i haven't. and i won't. ever. (at least until the time i can't take it anymore)

can't take it anymore?
why'd i say that?

well, the temptation.
because i need to escape. somewhere. anywhere.
just run away.

because sometimes... problems are too tough. to hard.
and once in a while, i'd just like to die and see what it's like being worry-free.
or maybe let go... let go of everything in this world. just stand still and watch everything go by. and smiling because i don't even have to think of it.

"if we're all praying at the same time. how does god hear us?"
HE JUST DOES. and that's the beauty of it.

do you ever feel like you've been doing too much?
too much that no one else seems to share the burden?

I'M HUMAN TOO.

sigh. i'm being emo again.
yeah.... i may not look like it most of the time.
but really.

i guess the whole day was going fine.
that is.

that is... till i realized i'm hoping for something that seems so impossible.

i guess i'm hopeless about the situation.
it doesn't seem to be getting better. only going downhill.

but whatever.
we usually get through it. we have been for the past years.
but right now, it just seems like the case is different.

it seems much harder. more unreachable.

and somehow, it's affecting me more than it should.
and most of the things i've been thinking about. worrying about. i'm too anxious.

and somehow, it's reached a point where it's too much--too much that i've turned numb.
NUMB. tulala.

and as for my current escape. it's been really, really good.
it's the only thing that let's my head relax.
but sometimes, i just feel the door is closed. i dunno. but that's how i feel.
anyhow, you've been keeping me from touching any lighters, and you just don't know it. thank you.

but if there's anymore thank you's i should be giving, it's to my three little brothers.
so thank you. thank you very much. you've given me enough hope.

i think i'm just going crazy.
strangely, my dad once said lack of sleep may cause you to go mental.
and i've realized i've been doing things that aren't myself.
then again, i always do things that aren't myself. not that i can define myself.

lastly.... i know your secret even though you didn't tell me
but i'll keep it. i promise. you got my back.

PS.
hershey's means happiness. truly.
chocolate is my only comfort food.

PPS.
this is probably my most personal blog.
i've never talked about my inner thoughts this much.