only thing to do is jump over the moon.

THE GIVER

Probably, this is the most challenging thing we've ever tackled, the most challenging I've ever tackled.

Admittedly, I wasn't too sure if I wanted to take on the role of Jonas. Reading through it, I felt I couldn't do too good a job. I was looking for roles that had more character, more tension, so I would have an easier time. I find it easier playing roles that had some kind of unusual spark in them.

Jonas seemed plain. Seemed sort of flat. Something I'd struggle with and perhaps lack luster with just as with the ever useless Brian Cochran. (Sorry, never enjoyed that role. I was happier as a prod member. Going back, the role I really wanted to do back then was Archie Costello--sorry Edric,--but I didn't go through it since I thought I didn't look the part enough. Why? He was unusual... reading through the book, I already imagined a full character.)

Jonas, on the other hand, was a blank slate for me. As such, I had my doubts about taking on the role. The choice went on, I was cast. No backing out anymore.

We've been trying to get the production running since the first quarter. I remember all the meeting I attended. Half the time waiting for people to arrive, the other half, waiting for something to happen. Because, indeed, nothing was happening. So I frequently found myself striking conversations with the people who were always present and early. Ian. Keith. Stacey.

It was a long wait. Things only started to pick up when the Povedans came in. That was only during the end of the second quarter. Finally, people were more punctual, more present. Finally, things were happening. I don't know if that was a good or bad thing.

Lots of things happened. Practices kept going on. Production pieces were coming up. Workshops were done. Prom proposals were made. (Mine included) Before we knew it, things were looking up.

But not up enough. A show supposed to have been during September was cancelled for December. Moved to January. Then finally moved to late January. Things kept looking down. Problems started arising--rather, uncovering themselves. Even at the last moments.

Finally, the shows came. It was crazy, even more for me. Quite like Jonas actually.

I experienced happiness. As the set came up, as the screen came, as the snow fell, as every new piece came up, I thought to myself, "Wow. We're actually making it." I'd forget about whatever prouction problem we had at the moment. I'd just be awestruck and filled with hope.

I experienced pain. I have around nine bruises on my leg. I have a lot of scratches on my elebows and on my knee. My elbows even had wounds. Not to mention the leg pain everytime I'd fall off the sled, and the head pain when my head would slam onto the floor (which happened twice). The set may have been the most beautiful one we've ever had in FX, but it's also the most painful one. (To add to that, I ate some of the "snow.")

I experienced discomfort. Making ad libs isn't something i really enjoy doing. It scares me to do so, but I did it a couple of times. During the last show, I was sweating so much. It felt weird, especially when it was getting into my eyes or into my lips. There were times my contacts felt weird and itchy. Add to that, I was sick (and still am). At least, I was able to hide my coughing sort of. But it was a discomfort trying to project.

I experienced loss and fear. Who wouldn't be when things look like they're going downhill? When shows keep getting postponed? When money and promotion--rather the lack of them--became hurdles? When production or blocking seems like it's ineffective and late? When your own characterization doesn't seem enough?

I experienced frustration. It was inevitable. Not all of my performances were really great. Wednesday was a bad show, a really bad one. I mean, right after, I just laid myself down and went... sigh. (To tell you why, it's because of something that happened before the show. It put my spirit down... way down. It became a source of stress in me--I couldn't let go of Luis and turn into Jonas.) It's disappointing knowing you gave a bad performance.

I experienced ecstasy. Saturday was amazing. Before the show, I was high enough. Shouting/singing through the hallways a line from Rent (see the title). But right after, WOW. What more for the Friday show. Now that was amazing. Sometimes, I'd just forget about being myself totally; I'd transform into Jonas; I'd only realize once the speeches got longer. Knowing for yourself that you gave a fantastic performance is good enough to get yourself high.

I experienced love. Becuase, truly, we are a family. Not an ordinary one, but the FX family?

Thank you. Thank you.
It was a truly great experience. To all my castmates, to all my FX peeps, to all the people who took the time to watch. Thank you very much. I'm really glad that I was able to share it with all of you.

I remember one of the audience members saying something. It was during one of my breakdown scenes. I can't quite remember. I heard someone say, "He's actually crying!" Thank you, that encouraged me even more during the performance. But I wasn't.

"What're you going to do, sir?"
--I finally have a comedic ball-grabber. :D

The doubts and fears I had when were starting out were all released. It seems so much more successful now. It's probably one of the most challenging shows we've undertaken, but one of the sweetest highs we've ever had.

Now, I'm glad I took on the role. Truly, it was challenging, but I think I gave it enough justice. I'm satisfied.

I'm glad we took on the play. I'm glad we made it. We did it.

FX dinner was awesome. It was SOOO much fun.
I enjoyed. And thank you so muich for the special order. Hehe!

Going there, I rode with Kurvin.
When we all went down, I went shucks. This is FX next year. It was small, but already, it felt like a family... a tight one. And I was really happy.