The thing is I'm making myself...

NUMB.

Ignorant if you'd like to call it that.

I'm not feeling well--both in the medical and pscychological sense--but I'm trying to ignore the fact that I am.

I guess that's what my character is all about. And I'm actually living it out.
But you can't call it that exactly.

They've known nothing else. And they live that way.
But I know what's happenening to me. I know.

I just want to escape.
I guess that puts me in the same situation. I guess it does.

And it really sucks that that's not an option for me. It never will be.

.... But imagining escape.
You don't know how that makes me feel. It brings me to tears... of joy? of pain? I dunno.
But it does. It makes me feel proud. Alone. But proud.

1. Some things are still missing. I'm being hopeful.
But it's bugging my conscience. It really is.
Not one now... but two. But I'm more afraid of the more expensive one.

2. Deadlines are friggin' piling up.
Somehow, I'm not worrying the right way.

3. I'm quite confused. And now, I mean... really.
And it's all because someone's being too nosey and starting to put two cents into the matter.

4. I just realized I don't have one. And it's sad. It's sad.
And it gives me pressure. A big what-if. I really need to step up.

Anyhow. I watched Doubt.
Gahd. It was friggin' intense. It made my TV spark up... and I mean really. Amazing movie.

Anyhow, to a friend out there.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY. You're missed sorely. But I'm glad you're happy.

Anyhow, (for the third time) I think I'll go listen to some music.
Music IS my saviour.