only thing to do is jump over the moon.

THE GIVER

Probably, this is the most challenging thing we've ever tackled, the most challenging I've ever tackled.

Admittedly, I wasn't too sure if I wanted to take on the role of Jonas. Reading through it, I felt I couldn't do too good a job. I was looking for roles that had more character, more tension, so I would have an easier time. I find it easier playing roles that had some kind of unusual spark in them.

Jonas seemed plain. Seemed sort of flat. Something I'd struggle with and perhaps lack luster with just as with the ever useless Brian Cochran. (Sorry, never enjoyed that role. I was happier as a prod member. Going back, the role I really wanted to do back then was Archie Costello--sorry Edric,--but I didn't go through it since I thought I didn't look the part enough. Why? He was unusual... reading through the book, I already imagined a full character.)

Jonas, on the other hand, was a blank slate for me. As such, I had my doubts about taking on the role. The choice went on, I was cast. No backing out anymore.

We've been trying to get the production running since the first quarter. I remember all the meeting I attended. Half the time waiting for people to arrive, the other half, waiting for something to happen. Because, indeed, nothing was happening. So I frequently found myself striking conversations with the people who were always present and early. Ian. Keith. Stacey.

It was a long wait. Things only started to pick up when the Povedans came in. That was only during the end of the second quarter. Finally, people were more punctual, more present. Finally, things were happening. I don't know if that was a good or bad thing.

Lots of things happened. Practices kept going on. Production pieces were coming up. Workshops were done. Prom proposals were made. (Mine included) Before we knew it, things were looking up.

But not up enough. A show supposed to have been during September was cancelled for December. Moved to January. Then finally moved to late January. Things kept looking down. Problems started arising--rather, uncovering themselves. Even at the last moments.

Finally, the shows came. It was crazy, even more for me. Quite like Jonas actually.

I experienced happiness. As the set came up, as the screen came, as the snow fell, as every new piece came up, I thought to myself, "Wow. We're actually making it." I'd forget about whatever prouction problem we had at the moment. I'd just be awestruck and filled with hope.

I experienced pain. I have around nine bruises on my leg. I have a lot of scratches on my elebows and on my knee. My elbows even had wounds. Not to mention the leg pain everytime I'd fall off the sled, and the head pain when my head would slam onto the floor (which happened twice). The set may have been the most beautiful one we've ever had in FX, but it's also the most painful one. (To add to that, I ate some of the "snow.")

I experienced discomfort. Making ad libs isn't something i really enjoy doing. It scares me to do so, but I did it a couple of times. During the last show, I was sweating so much. It felt weird, especially when it was getting into my eyes or into my lips. There were times my contacts felt weird and itchy. Add to that, I was sick (and still am). At least, I was able to hide my coughing sort of. But it was a discomfort trying to project.

I experienced loss and fear. Who wouldn't be when things look like they're going downhill? When shows keep getting postponed? When money and promotion--rather the lack of them--became hurdles? When production or blocking seems like it's ineffective and late? When your own characterization doesn't seem enough?

I experienced frustration. It was inevitable. Not all of my performances were really great. Wednesday was a bad show, a really bad one. I mean, right after, I just laid myself down and went... sigh. (To tell you why, it's because of something that happened before the show. It put my spirit down... way down. It became a source of stress in me--I couldn't let go of Luis and turn into Jonas.) It's disappointing knowing you gave a bad performance.

I experienced ecstasy. Saturday was amazing. Before the show, I was high enough. Shouting/singing through the hallways a line from Rent (see the title). But right after, WOW. What more for the Friday show. Now that was amazing. Sometimes, I'd just forget about being myself totally; I'd transform into Jonas; I'd only realize once the speeches got longer. Knowing for yourself that you gave a fantastic performance is good enough to get yourself high.

I experienced love. Becuase, truly, we are a family. Not an ordinary one, but the FX family?

Thank you. Thank you.
It was a truly great experience. To all my castmates, to all my FX peeps, to all the people who took the time to watch. Thank you very much. I'm really glad that I was able to share it with all of you.

I remember one of the audience members saying something. It was during one of my breakdown scenes. I can't quite remember. I heard someone say, "He's actually crying!" Thank you, that encouraged me even more during the performance. But I wasn't.

"What're you going to do, sir?"
--I finally have a comedic ball-grabber. :D

The doubts and fears I had when were starting out were all released. It seems so much more successful now. It's probably one of the most challenging shows we've undertaken, but one of the sweetest highs we've ever had.

Now, I'm glad I took on the role. Truly, it was challenging, but I think I gave it enough justice. I'm satisfied.

I'm glad we took on the play. I'm glad we made it. We did it.

FX dinner was awesome. It was SOOO much fun.
I enjoyed. And thank you so muich for the special order. Hehe!

Going there, I rode with Kurvin.
When we all went down, I went shucks. This is FX next year. It was small, but already, it felt like a family... a tight one. And I was really happy.

The thing is I'm making myself...

NUMB.

Ignorant if you'd like to call it that.

I'm not feeling well--both in the medical and pscychological sense--but I'm trying to ignore the fact that I am.

I guess that's what my character is all about. And I'm actually living it out.
But you can't call it that exactly.

They've known nothing else. And they live that way.
But I know what's happenening to me. I know.

I just want to escape.
I guess that puts me in the same situation. I guess it does.

And it really sucks that that's not an option for me. It never will be.

.... But imagining escape.
You don't know how that makes me feel. It brings me to tears... of joy? of pain? I dunno.
But it does. It makes me feel proud. Alone. But proud.

1. Some things are still missing. I'm being hopeful.
But it's bugging my conscience. It really is.
Not one now... but two. But I'm more afraid of the more expensive one.

2. Deadlines are friggin' piling up.
Somehow, I'm not worrying the right way.

3. I'm quite confused. And now, I mean... really.
And it's all because someone's being too nosey and starting to put two cents into the matter.

4. I just realized I don't have one. And it's sad. It's sad.
And it gives me pressure. A big what-if. I really need to step up.

Anyhow. I watched Doubt.
Gahd. It was friggin' intense. It made my TV spark up... and I mean really. Amazing movie.

Anyhow, to a friend out there.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY. You're missed sorely. But I'm glad you're happy.

Anyhow, (for the third time) I think I'll go listen to some music.
Music IS my saviour.

i know every song by heart.

CHINESE NEW YEAR and OSCARS

Kaunti lang ang naririnig kong fireworks dito.
Ibig sabihin kaunti lang ang mga Chinese dito sa lugar ko. :))

(note: i'm not chinese)

Ang jologs pa, wala akong nakikita. Stupid building, covering my view.
Hanggang dinig lang.

HAPPY SPRING, PEEPS!

In other news, Sally Hawkins was snubbed an Oscar nomination. Boo.
So was Gran Torino... totally.

In other news, I think the race will be exciting.
I hope Viola Davis wins. :))

(btw. I was able to download the movies. )

elephants, bears and dolphins

The Giver and the Past Few Days

Did I mention I've given up on appealing?
Goodbye, honor roll.

Anyhow, let's start with Friday afternoon.

Mentoring period, I skipped playing some really hard trivia game to go through my lines.
Somehow, I ended up helping the bulletin board peeps. Might I say, it looks better than last year's at least. I wan'na do it next year!

Dismissal time, I went to Ash Creek and almost died.
Somehow, I keep having some deadly experiences during the shows. Take for example, falling off the stage during Choc War.
This time, an armored car backed up on me out of nowhere. And all the cars went beep. And I ran away quickly. LOL.

Anyhow, I bought some coffee from Mercury.
What for? To make me hyper. :))

They didn't have any safety pins. The school bookstore was closed.
So I had to go all the way to sangkalayuan just to find some damn perdibles. Pft.
(and no, sangkalayuan is not the name of the place)

I arrived back at the dressing room all sweaty.
Did a bit of practicing. Then I started to get ready for the show.
Wow. That was sorta stressful.

Anyhow. From that moment on, I started talking and walking in character.
I dunno if it was the coffee, but I was weird. :))
We did a last-minute run. Then we were set... sorta. (Thinking about it makes me nervous.)

So we went on.
I sang Lupang Hinirang real loud. (Why am I so accustomed to calling it Bayang Magiliw?)

And it went on.
And it went well enough.
Although we did have some problems. :|
I rate it a 7 over 10. :|

Saddest thing though. I LOST MY CAM! :((
Someone, if you see it, return it.
Grr talaga. I'll be so dead.

Anyhow. Strange moment.
While I was walking back to the MPH. Some random guy asked for a picture. :))
Who am I to back out of a picture? =))

Company call after everything.
I arrived home past 10:30.
Thanks, Allen. :D

Looking back at it, I think I performed well enough.
But I fucking definitely knew I could've done WAY better.
As I was going down the stage talaga after the ending, I was thinking, "sigh. you could've done better. parang mas magaling ka pa sa practice kanina. you really could've done better. well. it was ok na rin. but... bukas!" Hahaha. La lang.

Day 2. Supposedly, it would be busy.
But the tailor cancelled, so there was some idle time between tutor and lunch.

Went to Eastwood for Tiff's birthday lunch. HABERDAY, TIFF!
It was really fun... especially nung... :>
Anyhow, I rode with Tobias and Stacey going back to Xavier.

Looked around for my cam to no avail. :(
Talked with some people. :D
Practiced a bit.

Got ready. Shucks. I was panicking. Panicking all over the place.
I think it was the coffee. Two cans. Yikes.

Anyhow, showtime.
During the first act, I went offstage disappointed for some reason.
Second act. God. That was much better.

We did MUCH, MUCH better!
If Friday was a 7 over ten, then Saturday was 8.75.
(It'd be a 9.25 but I made too much ad libs.)

Also, I tripped over one of the props. :|
Buti na lang magaling mag-save si Phantom at hindi masyado malaki ang impact.
That's not my first accident with it. Magkaaway talaga kami. :))

Might I add, I was coughing during the show.
Buti na lang, I sorta "hid" it... or incorporated it. :D

And that's my experience the last few days.
In other news...

TICKETS ARE STILL AVAILABLE!
Manood na on Jan 28 and 30!

brighter

YEAH, THAT!

wow, i was dumb.

i thought it was lost. that it wasn't there.

apparently, it's NOT.
and gahd, it give me the chills. <3

almost... almost...
but not just yet.

brooklyn.

FLUSTERED
...no, that's an understatement.

Things aren't going how I want it to go.
And it's friggin'... ARGH!

I'm still in search of my elusive honor.

I'm still making my friggin' Chinese lantern.
(isipin mo ba naman, nagtapon-tapon at nagpunit-punit ako ng papel kani-kanina lang.)

I'm...
well that's mostly it.

Unless you wanna add FX: The trouble that's ensuing.
But it's not in my mind just yet. :))

Right now. It's just the first two.

Can't we just have weekends in repeat? :(

i am awoo!

EDSOR = <3.

I'm really glad I was chosen for Edsor. :))
At buti na lang 3rd year pa. Siguro hindi ko to masusulit if ever I got in last year. Hahaha!

I love my group. Go Ninoy! Hehehe.
Chin.Criselle.Tine.Eube.Cristel.Vinny.JP.Luis.Patrick!
we're a bit quiet though. o.O

Alam mo, may secret kami! Riiight? :> Hahaha!

Guess what?
Tine was in my akwe group. hahaha!
Vinny is in the La Salle drama club. And it's kinda kevin bacon since he was groupmates with Carla before. =)) I found out halos same experience ng mga club namin... 'cept that they have tons of members. :)) Whatever. FX is still the best. :D
Patrick reminds me A LOT about Kyne. :D Looks may be total opposite. Pero everything else is totally Kyne. Hahaha!

EDSOR was really tiring. Pero super fun. Hahaha!
It's sorta like one big interaction. :)) And this time, I'm not the faci. Hahaha.
This time din, I'm one of the noisier people. Sorta. :))

Sister Mary John Mananzan rocks!
Super intense! Reminds me of Doubt. :))

Fun Fact: Mahilig ako manlait. ;)
Decipher ninyo na lang. =))

Gosh. David Archuleta. o.O
An'daming fans. I found out may paparazzi pa talaga e. Hindi pa nakuntento sa sigaw.

Anyhow. Ramblings na lang. :))
I would've written a better one. Pero... my mind is too magulo right now. Why? See next blog.

one word...

REPORT CARD and HIGH

I'm feeling much better today compared to yesterday. Much more confident. ;)

Anyhow. So yes.
Something worse happened... and it almost made me want to put a brake on my blogging. But I resolved it now. Phew. I didn't think I'd last anyway.

So here I am.

For once, I wasn't late for the school bus. THANK GOD! :D
And I went to school with a generally happy mood.

That was... until... report card.
No, i'm not failing or anything. Just that. I DON'T HAVE HONORS :((
Ang gaganda pa naman ng mga grades ko. As in, everything went up by at least a bit.
Then comes Science. Waaa.
So here I am, trying to have it appealed. :(

Nakakahiya naman kasi.
Gimik ako nang gimik the whole third quarter tapos nawalan ako ng honor.
Not as if the gimiks had any effect on my grade.
Barely anything. As I said, it all went up. Waaaaaa.

I haven't ever had no honor pa naman since grade 2 or something.
What a break. :| How disappointing.
Especially on my parents' side. They expect much from me. Kung sa akin lang, kahit di na ako mag-aral eh. :))

Everyone's so satisfied with their grades.
Everywhere, it's like they're all happy they're not failing and shit.
Ako lang talaga ang kontra. :|

During dismissal, for some reason, I was incredibly high. As in really.
Saying weird things. Moving with much energy. Like running and shit.
I dunno why. Go ask around.

But I'm guessing it's because I tried the "pull the string" joke on too much people that I laughed soo much. And that caused me to release a whole lot of endorphins. Meaning a whole lot of WOOOOAAAAHHHHHH!

Anyhow... as I said, I'm feeling more confident.
Although we've got a long way to go, I think we can make it work.

title of the blog

EMO. don't look here

crazy title.
i've been trying to think of a good one since the ride home. nothing really came to me. so i guess that'll do.

the truth is. my titles really are related to my blog... rather how i'm feeling at the moment. a few exceptions, i guess, are random songs and quotes. but most of the time, they'd have some significance.

let me share.
the very first title i thought of for this one is sometimes smoke.
but i found it too dangerous a title.

yes, i do smell smoke right now.
but no... it's not me. it's my tita.
no, it will never be me. never.

not because i don't want to be a hypocrite.
not because it's just another path towards death.
but because it'll just be another addiction. something i wouldn't want.

but i must admit, sometimes, the temptation is too strong.
too strong.
i'm not saying i've fallen. because i haven't. and i won't. ever. (at least until the time i can't take it anymore)

can't take it anymore?
why'd i say that?

well, the temptation.
because i need to escape. somewhere. anywhere.
just run away.

because sometimes... problems are too tough. to hard.
and once in a while, i'd just like to die and see what it's like being worry-free.
or maybe let go... let go of everything in this world. just stand still and watch everything go by. and smiling because i don't even have to think of it.

"if we're all praying at the same time. how does god hear us?"
HE JUST DOES. and that's the beauty of it.

do you ever feel like you've been doing too much?
too much that no one else seems to share the burden?

I'M HUMAN TOO.

sigh. i'm being emo again.
yeah.... i may not look like it most of the time.
but really.

i guess the whole day was going fine.
that is.

that is... till i realized i'm hoping for something that seems so impossible.

i guess i'm hopeless about the situation.
it doesn't seem to be getting better. only going downhill.

but whatever.
we usually get through it. we have been for the past years.
but right now, it just seems like the case is different.

it seems much harder. more unreachable.

and somehow, it's affecting me more than it should.
and most of the things i've been thinking about. worrying about. i'm too anxious.

and somehow, it's reached a point where it's too much--too much that i've turned numb.
NUMB. tulala.

and as for my current escape. it's been really, really good.
it's the only thing that let's my head relax.
but sometimes, i just feel the door is closed. i dunno. but that's how i feel.
anyhow, you've been keeping me from touching any lighters, and you just don't know it. thank you.

but if there's anymore thank you's i should be giving, it's to my three little brothers.
so thank you. thank you very much. you've given me enough hope.

i think i'm just going crazy.
strangely, my dad once said lack of sleep may cause you to go mental.
and i've realized i've been doing things that aren't myself.
then again, i always do things that aren't myself. not that i can define myself.

lastly.... i know your secret even though you didn't tell me
but i'll keep it. i promise. you got my back.

PS.
hershey's means happiness. truly.
chocolate is my only comfort food.

PPS.
this is probably my most personal blog.
i've never talked about my inner thoughts this much.

...i had a dream.

(during soc sci)
sigh.

now...

can i just have one more moon dance with you?

ang batang masipag, paglaki, pagod. + lightning x7 = the 6th sense. whut?

MOVIES:
Tropic Thunder, The Nanny Diaries, The Sixth Sense, Ang Tanging Ina N'yong Lahat, Wall-E, Changeling and The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Okay.
Here are my movie reviews. :D
Sorry kung maiksi sobra. It's been a while since I've seen them

Anyhow. I've decided to put down four star ratings.

TROPIC THUNDER
***

This was a really good movie. Very funny! Of course, too absurd to happen, but nonetheless something great for laughs. And wow... the budget for this film seems really big. What with all the bigtimers: Ben Stiller, Jack Black, Robert Downey Jr, Tom Cruise, Matthew McConaughey.

Of course, Robert Downey Jr was the standout here. (I mean. He got a Golden Globe nomination. I think he should win. :D) You'll really believe he was an award-winning actor. He really gets into them. Y'know what I mean? And I just learned... he really did the method actor thing off the set.

The NANNY DIARIES
***

I don't know why critics hate the film--I loved it. (Maybe because I can somewhat relate both on the side of the child and the nanny?) It was heart-warming, very very on-the-spot.

I guess the only reason it was said to be bad was because of the climax, which to me was non-existent. They didn't build on it, so there was no effect. There were other points that should've been taken rather than that. So I guess that's what made it weak.

On the other hand, it had a great effect. It was a good film. Enjoyable to watch. And yes, funny. (Might I add, go Alicia!)

QUARANTINE
***1/2

Friggin' hell. This was really scary. Fantastic horror movie. I'm glad this was my first in-cinema horror movie.

What really makes this film scary was how believable it is. It can happen. It might happen. And it is happening. The shaky camerawork was really effective. It's as though you're inside the movie.

I'd like to say KUDOS to Jennifer Carpenter (from The Exorcism of Emily Rose). She was amazing in this film. Really full of emotions, something really required to make this the horror work. (Oh yes... and she just got married. Congrats!)

(I found out this is a remake of an even better-reviewed Spanish film.)

The SIXTH SENSE
***1/2

Amazing movie. Amazing. I wouldn't call it a horror movie though. It lacked the tinge a horror movie (like Quarantine) would give, it dwells more on suspense. But that doesn't matter. It was just amazing.

Haley Joel Osment was really haunting. No wonder he was nominated for an Oscar. Where is he now?

ANG TANGING INA N'YONG LAHAT
***

Becaaaauuussse I have to submit this. Switch tayo to something more formal... and more Filipino.

Ang komedyang Pilipino ay hindi maihahantulad sa mga komedyang Kanluran. Di-katulad ng mga Kanluraning pelikula, walang mautak o purong katatawanan ang ating mga komedya: umaasa ito sa mga spoof at ad lib base sa mga bagay na tanyag sa panahon. Wala rin itong sigurong daloy at punung-puno ng mga singit ng kung anong maisip na eksenang nakakatawa. Kumabaga, slapstick.

Oo, rito nabibilang ang pelikulang Ang Tanging Ina N’yong Lahat. Subalit nakahihigit ito mula sa ibang pelikulang Pilipino sapagkat ang istorya nito ay may katuturan at may dinadalhan. May nararating ang kanyang kwento kung ikukumpara sa iban nating mga komedya na tanging “ANO?” ang maitatanong matapos masaksihan ang katapusang walang katuturan. Kumabaga, may delikadesa rin naman ang sineng ito.

Ipinagpapatuloy ng pelikula ang kwento ni Ina, ang nanay na may isang dosenang anak (bagamat hindi sila kumpleto sa pagkakataong ito) at may kung anu-anong trabaho. Ngunit, ngayon, hindi lang siya construction worker o may-ari ng karinderya: presidente na siya ng ating bansa!

Bagamat, di-kapani-paniwala ang premise nito, simple lang ang iniikutan ng kanyang istorya. Ito ang paghahanap ni Ina ng kanyang lugar sa puso ng kanyang mga anak. Kumbaga, “Ano ang kailangan kong gawin upang maipagmalaki ako ng aking mga anak?”

Ito siguro ang isa sa mga rason kung bakit ko nagustuhan ang pelikula: makabago ang kanyang paksa. Punung-puno ang mga sinehan ngayon ng mga pelikulang tungkol sa mga pamilyang unti-unti nagkakawatak-watak di kaya’y ukol sa mga anak at ang kanilang kagustuhan na maipagmalaki sila ng kanilang mga magulang. Pinaiikot ng sineng ito ang gulong at inilalagay naman ang sitwasyon sa kamay ng ina.

Masasabi ba nating ang mga pelikula nating slapstick ay walang kwenta? Marahil, masasabi ng marami na “oo” ang sagot nila riyan. Napakalaki ng mga hinahanap ng mga nagsasabi nito--inaasahan nilang maging kumplikado ngunit pinag-isipan ang isang komedyang Pilipino. Ngunit diyan sila nagkakamali sapagkat ang tangi naman nitong layunin ay patawanin ang madla—ang masa. Dito, hindi lumalagpak ang sineng ito.

Mula man sa mga spoof katulad ng “At forty-ish, can I still do it? I ask myself, ‘Ina, what’s the next you?’ A Student!”, sa mga panalong tugon tulad ng “LOKO!”, sa mga nakakatawang “kasabihan” kagaya ng “Ang aking tinanim, iba ang kumain dahil diet ako.” hanggang sa mga nakakatawang sitwasyon tulad ng pagiging stuntwoman para sa Lobo, siguradong mapapatawa talaga ang sinumang manood nito. Punung-puno ang pelikula ng mga eksenang katawa-tawa na halos mahulog ka na mula sa upuan.

Slapstick na kung slapstick, ngunit nakakatawa at hindi ito maikakaila. Dagdag pa, may dala pa rin itong aral na nakapaloob sa kwentong may katuturan. Ganyan ang hatak ng pelikulang ito.

wow. ang dami kong nasabi ah. o.O
if you're tamad to read that. here's the summary:

• It's friggin' funny!
• Lower your expectations. This movie's not made for you. It's made for the masses. Then, YOU'LL ENJOY IT TO THE MAX.
• Filipino comedy isn't all that bad.
• You'll really enjoy it if you're watching in a cinema filled with people
• It will help more kung mga masa ang kasama mo (Am I being discriminatory again?)
• People who disagee with me: BACK OFF! :| =))

WALL-E
****

Disney is actually promoting this for a Best Picture nomination. I say, why not? I'm definite it has a shot at it. It's probably one of the best films this year. Hands down.

I don't think I have to say anything more. :D

ONCE
**1/2

The film wasn't at all THAT captivating. It was boring, I have to say.

But what's worth watching about the movie is the soundtrack. Fudge. All the songs were amazing. They're all driven with so much emotion and power. They were mesmerizing. If I'm not mistaken, this stole the coveted music award in the Oscars from Enchanted. I can say they rightfully deserve it.

But I guess you can say the chemistry was amazing between the two main characters. (In fact, they ended up together in real life.) And the ending, though unwished, was quite (as Ebert would say it) magical. It truly was.

This is one of those movies I'd give a low score but I loved very much and would hate myself if I didn't watch it.

CHANGELING
***

Brilliance, I think, would be the best word to describe this film. Though not in the sense that it's all perfect. Just brilliant in the way that it was moving and beautiful. It ended with something truly heartwarming, truly beautiful.

And Angelina Jolie was friggin' amazing. AMAZING.
For once, she has my respect. :)) If there's only one thing to summarize this film, it's intense grief. With Angelina in the role of a mother, her portrayal was outstanding. Definitely worth the Oscar nod being buzzed about. (Although it might go to Meryl Streep. Gahd, that trailer.)

There's not much else I need to say.

The CURIOUS CASE of BENJAMIN BUTTON
****

Now, I can see why this film is a fierce contender in the Oscars. It was absolutely amazing. I never really thought much about it and really want excited about seeing it. While reading the synopsisa few months back, I went "A man aging backwards... like that's anything." But I guess what caught me was the trailer. It started to seem intriguing. But still, I didn't think too highly of it.

But damn. It was fantastic.

I don't think there was any standout performance in the film. Nothing seemed like it should win an acting award. However, it doesn't mean acting is not at par. If there is something it should win when it comes to performance, it's that of Outstanding Performance by a Cast. (lest of course Doubt proves them otherwise) Each portrayal was deeply detailed and finely done. They really work good together.

The story was, of course, beautiful. Wonderfully written. It didn't feel rushed or anything.

I wouldn't be surprised if this one the big thing. ;)

Oh. Btw. It had so much good quotes. I have to put them in:

"Did I ever tell you I was struck by lightning seven times?"
"Our lives are defined by opportunities, even the ones we miss."
"I hope you live a life you're proud of. If you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again."
"It's a funny thing about coming home. Looks the same. Smells the same. Feels the same. You'll realize what's changed... is you."
My favorite: "We're meant to lose the people we love. How else would we know how important they are to us?"

wake up, everyone. ;)

ERRANDS and GIMIK

Today was love. :))
So let's go talk about it... Hahahaha.

I fell asleep last night watching Heroes. Lol
Anyhow, I woke up again some time past one... did some music-listening and some homework... and ended up sleeping at 3.30. =))

I woke up a bit past 10--just in time.
After some scheduling conflict, I had the fitting for my coat. :))
Then a haircut. Since my dad was there, he had a haircut too... and God knows how long that takes. :| I was able to go grocery-shopping for him. Lol.

Anyhow. Went home.

Then I got my new glasses! :))
Yehey. Finally, I can retire my current ones. And finally, I can see again!

After that, I went to Mega. Fudge... super crowded. o.O
Met up with sina Mara, Tobias, Nikki, Patring, Steffi, Missy and Mico. Did I get all the names right? :))

We watched The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.
Really good movie. Watch out for my review. (together with every other movie I've watched.)

Kwento ko lang. Tina-try kong umiyak. Wala talagang lumabas.
Baka kasi, iniisip ko: "you need this for the giver. i-try mo na. :))"
Grabe. Hindi ko kaya. Damn, I was able to do it na nung summer. Must get tips from Kim. =)) Not that I really need it... but I think it might help. Haha.

So yeah. After, we went around. ;)
Things got kinda awkward till it was just me and Tobias. =))

We walked to Shang.
Lined up at Tokyo-Tokyo, walang kwenta. Nagulat ako sa size ng Tempura nila. Ang tagal ng pila. Ang init. An'daming naka-pile na orders. Hindi ko kinaya.
Hello, fastfood! Nag-KFC na naman ako. =))

So there. After, we went around. Lol.
We ended up at Starbucks. Hahaha. That was a fun conversation. Lol.

Then I was left alone. I went window shopping.
I want sneakers now. =))

So there. That's my day.
Grabe... that's not how I wanted it to come out. Lol. That's like my old, magulo, rambling blogging style. Hmm...
It sounds more fun than how I blogged about it. Hahaha!

i think. but i'm not sure.

CRUSH.

Sorry ah. Don't mind me na lang. :))
I just needed to blog, and I didn't really want anyone to see... pero sad naman kung ako lang nakababasa.

Isipin mo na lang... kinakausap ko sarili ko. :))

Ang loser ko talaga. o.O

I dunno. I just feel like, you know, like I've....
You know... like how I always think about it. It's driving me mad.

But I don't really know what to do. I'm waiting for a sign... any sign... any hint... anything.
But I feel like it's taking forever. I don't get anything other than the random inserts by her friends. And I dunno how reliable THAT is. o.O

I just don't feel it.

But here I am... bleh.

Hindi ako makakibo kapag kasama siya.
Tilabagang wala ako sa aking sarili.

It drives me nuts... not that I'm not already nuts. :))

Pero kasi... argh. :/

how can i be lighting firework if i don't even see it?

SCREWED

Grabe. Bad habits talaga.
I've been sleeping late again. And gahd I am tired. Kailangan ko nang bumawi. o.O

To add to my weariness, things aren't going right in FX. And I don't know how much I can do to fix it. I've never been this problematic about any single play in the past three days. Never this stressed. NEVER. :|

It's just a friggin' mix of emotions.
I'm sad. I'm mad. I'm going crazy.
One moment I'm in the corner being emo. Next thing you know, I've got the largest eyes and the largest grin. Like a mad man. And then later, just simply lifeless.

Things are going out of hand.
I can't take it anymore. I just want it all to stop.

God. I'm tired.

You know what I find the worst about it...
I'm always greeted with "You look like you just woke up."
I was greeted that more than once already.

Not that it's insulting. Normally, I'd be fine with it.
But right now, it just reminds me of how much of a mess I feel like.

Coz really. I feel like a mess. :(
I'm a disaster.

the tabloids read...

SCHOOL.

Well.
It felt good to be back, I guess. I didn't realize how much I missed having someone(s) to talk nonsense with. Hehehe.
I evidently missed the morning chatter. :))

But I wish it ended at that.
They gave out LT scores today. Something I totally erased off my head during the break.
Soc Sci was okay pa. Chinese is pwede na rin. Pero Science is super disappointing. :((

I'M SO HOLY!
22/30 sa CLE bonus quiz. Hahaha! Sorry na po, marami akong alam na Catholic trivia. :))
(kaya, mamatay na lang kayo sa inggit.)
Did someone beat me ba? The only other high score I heard was 16. Lol.
(i bet mr.x won't use those bonus points on me anyway.)

Luis: Wow! 3 pa lang mali ko!
Charles: *straight face* 2 pa lang tama ko.
Luis, in his head: for once... :))

...ang babaw ko. =))

anyone for brownies?

PROCRASTINATION

I can't call this cramming.

Why? 'Coz it only took me two minutes to finish the whole damn homework.

I call it procrastination.

As you can see, it's 2am. It's a school night.

...but I'm still awake.

Why? Bad habits I suppose.

I said I'm tired. But I'm still here.

Caramba.

As such. New Year's Resolution #4:

Stop procrastinating and start sleeping earlier. :D

Sigh.

Gudlak na lang bukas. o.O

i want kitkat. samahan na rin ng panda.

VACATION

Aww fuck.
I'm just friggin' tired.

FX today was so draining--physically, mentally, emotionally, vocally and whatever aspect you may want to think of. And I guess you can blame the lack of sleep too.

I NEED A VACATION

I don't wan'na go back to school just yet.
I just want one say three frigging days.
One - to sleep the whole day/relax myself
Two - to free myself from everything
Three - to finish all the stuff I planned to do but didn't do--including homework.

Fudge.
I need to cram tonight... I just hope I get enough sleep. Sigh.

I don't want the break to end. Aghh! Ayoko pang pumasok.
There are times you just want to go back to school. But this isn't one of it.

And I just realized how busy my weekends are.
Aww fuck talaga. I'm worried. I'm scared.

But most of all...
I'M TIRED. And I feel like shit.

Hug?

Ma'am... Sir... Isa lang pong...

SURVEY!

Here's one. Stole it from Ms.M... again.

Using one word for each letter of the alphabet, make a list of the words you most associate with yourself or that you feel best describe you.

Feel free to add your own descriptions. Hahaha.

A: acting. awesome. antisocial? advice.
B: boring? behind-the-scenes guy?
C: crazy. creative. curse. critic. counsel. comfort.
D: dictator (hehe). david archuleta? lol.
E: emo. energetic.
F: fx (people's usual reaction :| ). filipino! frank. friendly.
G: gago. greatness. (haha!) grammar.
H: hirit. hardworking.
I: inquisitive. intense. impulsive. impressive. independent. industrious. (dont u love the letter i?)
J: july.
K: kewl (haha!)
L: luis. lovable.
M: mental. movies. music
N: nerdy? noisy.
O: o.c.!
P: perform. public speaking?
Q: quiet.
R: rhetorical.
S: special. secretive. shy. singing. shrink? (haha!)
T: techie. thinker.
U: understanding.
V: violent reactions.
W: writer.
X: (dahil wala akong maisip:) x-factor. (o nga pala,) Xaverian
Y: yabang. (haha!)
Z: zany (nanggaya. haha!)

Hahaha. Wala talagang magawa.
Got any other suggestions?

But actually, marami akong kailangang gawin.
So I must get to work. Hahaha!

By the way. It's almost my mid-year birthday.
When is it? Next Wednesday. Hahaha.
WTF, right? Well, I want an excuse to buy cake... therefore, I have a mid-year birthday.:))

aren't we all just

TEMPERAMENTAL?

I just need to let it out. Sort of ease myself a bit rather than daydreaming under my pillow about some speech I'll never make.

But seriously.

Sometimes, you wish you never said things. You never did things. You never mentioned things. Not that they're wrong, but they just bring up things that don't need to be brought up.

Everyone is temperamental.
No use denying that.

But why do people have to go way too much about it?
(sabi nga ni mary j. blige, "No more drama, everybody!")

No one's putting you into situations you don't need to be in.
You just bring it all up by yourself. And it's quite frustrating... especially on the other end.

Self-esteem issues? I dunno.
Just begging for some manners. Some ease. Some freedom.

I don't need the blame.
Not this time.