Showing posts with label funnies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funnies. Show all posts

sa simoy at sa langit mong bughaw

Wednesday, October 24 at 8:16 PM
Reviewers, Auds and Aids
la lang...w: 10.24: 9.11
BEWARE! Contagious: SBC Packers...
61 days till Christmas!

Well. As I'm typing, I'm listening to SBC Packers. Hahaha!
Hilarious! lol.
Is beyry deyngerus to pack a cack!

Anyhow, I just finished the Soc Sci review a few hours ago. Hahaha. It was hard work but it's worth it. It's not the reviewer though that helps me review. It's the making of the reviewer. When I actually read the info and then put it down, the info stays in my head. The reviewer is just there for cramming; the making is the reviewing process itself. LOL.
(That's why nagtaka ako kay Paul when he made the CLE reviewer last year and did do so well. Hahaha. No offence meant there.)
Well, for most of my subjects, my notebooks are beautiful so I don't have to make reviewers for them na. Not to say that SocSci's notes are disorganized. They are... but it isn't easy to read info on a list as compared to if it is on a table. Hahaha.

Listening to Rent and sending auds songs to Kim makes me want to audition. Lol.
But, as I said, I'm not. Hahaha. I wanna rest muna. Hahahaha!

Well. Just taking a rest. Hahaha.
Back to work then.

BTW. I got news from Joaq's stat:
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2007/10/071020103343.htm
A cure for HIV/AIDS??

best viewed on http://dewerants.blogspot.com

no camera tricks

Sunday, September 16 at 11:14 PM
Biolink Commercial
HAPPY!!*s: 9.16: 11.15
BEWARE! Contagious: Varied...
One of my fave commercials:



LOL! Hahaha. Lagi akong natatawa rito!
best viewed on http://dewerants.blogspot.com

Shadenfreude

Monday, September 10 at 9:24 PM
FX Night

HAPPY!!m: 9.10: 9.24
BEWARE! Contagious: Hairspray...


FX Night.
Sobrang late na 'to kasi I couldn't find the time to write it. Hahaha
See the pics: http://dewe52.multiply.com/photos/album/97/FX_Night_07

Anyhow.
So I snuck my cam into school again. Haha!
I was supposed to bring my phone din pero I left it back at home after some morning kaguluhan. Hahaha.
Actually, the night before, nag-ca-cram packing pa ako eh. And I definitely over packed. Hahaha.

So the whole day, I was really excited for FX Night. Hahaha.
And then by 4, YUN NA! Hahahaha.
Actually, mas excited sina CJ and Varr. Nag-aayos pa lang kami nina Kim ng stuff sa classroom, ginugulo na kami na bumababa. Hahaha.

So when we arrived, nagutom kami so we went to the Cafe.
I got some brownies (sugar) and iced mocha (caffeine) to keep me high. (Thanks to Mark nga pala na nanlibre sa akin! :D) Hahaha. I'm still amazed that everyone else in the table can drink pure coffee na. Hahaha. Ako, hindi pa. Haahaha.
By the time it was 4:34, biglang naalala namin ni CJ ang call time. Bigla kaming tumakbo papuntang Lecture Hall. Hahaha! But wala pa.

Anyhow. I started work on the sign.
When I got lazy, I passed the work on which I totally regret 'coz Kim ruined it. Stupidity, sheer stupidity. How I regret being lazy.
Anyhow, while complaining, I was worrying as we were looking for the fallen cutter blade and the cutter itself. (Cyempre, hindi ko kinapa... **remembers the grass n'ung catapult days*** Hahaha!)

So yeah. When it finally started, we were divided into groups.
I was in the Eketegle group. Or something like that. Basta.. CORN na lang. Hahaha.

So yeah. We did a cheer-making. And so bigla kong naalala si Burke nung ginagawa na namin.... Why? Tumalon-talon din cya last year nung Bongga. Hahaha.

And then we had the machine thinggy. Oki, this just proved we were definitely not that creative. hahaha. Dito naglag ang points namin. Kami lang ang 3 points... Ang iba, ang taas-taas. haha!

So after that, we had an explanation of the CLOSATS.
And then we ate dinner.... pero subuan muna. Hahaha. Let's just say I had so much spoons. Hahaha. ;D BTW, none of the people I fed got sick... with the exception of Mark. But when is he never?

Anyhow. So we started practice and it was weird.... sorta. Hahaha.
I was the lead... and then. Un na.

We were watching the most ehem ehem plays ever. And the word "banana" never means the same thing anymore. Right, CJ? By the way, Kim's belly button was equally distracting as the plays. Hahaha.

So ours was the third and the most serious. HAhaha. Kinaba-kaba kami kasi kami lang ung seryoso. Hahaha. Anyhow, so my acting was sooooooo sabog.
And the cues were sabog too. I made far too many monologues which could've been prevented if everyone remembered when to enter. Hahaha. And I kept saying Luis when my character's name was Alberto.... Hahaha!
What I loved the most about ours is that I hit Dulay and Geremy with some piece of paper. Hahaha! I like doing that.

Anyhow, so we watched Fight Club right after. It's a cool movie but it made me wanna sleep. It's not boring... no. We just watched it at 12:30, which is why I wanted to sleep. The whole time, i was trying not to give in to temptation.

So yeah, it was really cool. My fave scene was the end. Nung gumuguho na ang mundo nang nakahawak kamay sila. Hahaha.

I wanted to sleep na right after pero endorphins started activating. And after picking up the camera, I went to go outside with the others. Pero I got dicouraged by the shadow I saw walking beside the canteen and chapel. So I went back in.

Anyhow, na-bore ako sa loob ng lecture hall so nag-malakas loob na ako. I got Mark Tee's flashlight and started exploring. Hahaha. So I was planning to walk to the swimming pool where everyone else was taking a bath. Hahaha. So sinamahan ako ni Darrel.

Anyhow, sobra akong matatakutin. Hahaha! When we were near the SFX statue, sabi ko: "What just moved by the Grade 5 classroom?" Sabi ni Darrel: "Lights from the building in the back." "What was that?" "Just a tree" And then when we were going down the stairs, may biglang nagsabi "Baka ka madapa." And it was not Darrel. I'm like. "SHIT! WHO'S THAT!" Sabi ni Darrel sabay turo: "Iyong guard." LOL HAHAHAHAHA!

So yeah, we arrived and then separated. And then lumabas ang ilan... that's CJ and other... I pulled CJ away and said let's pass by the field.... But when I looked, it was pitch black, sabay kami sa Art Rooms na lang. Pero madilim din so we went to the grade 5 na lang. Sa Art Room dumaan ang iba. Kami naman sa grade 5. (Diba haunted toh?) Anyhow, sumigaw silang nasa baba. So nakisali na rin kami nina CJ, sumigaw sabay takbo. But by the time we reached the MPC, we walked. Until CJ said.... I think I saw blood over there. I'm like "No joke?" And then I started running again. Sumbay si CJ and said yes. Hahahahah!

Anyhow. I would've slept from this point onwards but the others went out ulit. Hayz. So i just stayed by the stage. Nung bumalik sina Stacey at Germs, nag-cam-whore kami. Hahaha.

Nung dumating na ang ibang H2, nag-cam-whore pa. Hahaha! May bago ngang teleseryeng nabuo. Hahaha!

Anyhow, I would've slept at this time onwards... lahat kami nasa kama na. But they kept talking and I has nowhere else to sleep.. so I joined them na lang. Hayz. Sobrang out of sked toh. Buti pa si Allen, nakatulog.

Around 3, dumating na ang Jollibee, kumain sila. Nakakain na rin ako. Tapos tulugan na.

So 3 hours of sleep and I woke up dahila ng ingay-ingay nila. Hayz.
Apparently, I rolled down. Hahaha. So nagsisikipan na sila dun. Hahaha!

Anyhow, I forced Geremy to help me with the balloons. After much arguing about the glue mixture (cyempre, ako pa rin nanalo) we started work. Hahaha.

And then dumating sina Ms. Yao at Ms. Lampa. WEEEEEEE!
Hahaha. Pero umalis agad.... waaaaa!

Hahaha. After finishing the papier-mache, we ate breakfast and then played football. Hahaha. Tie naman this time. Hahaha.

So we ate lunch in character. Right, David? I even learned Tagalog from my new Filipino friends named Geremy and Bob! Hahaha! We had soooo much exchange students.

And then we started preparing for our first run. Hahaha.
Syempre, busy ako with props... Hahaha.
We almost didn't start actually. Hayz.
Pero we finally did.

Anyhow, I kept running around the place worrying about the props. Hahaha. Nakakainis nga ung mga nagbalik ng chairs gayong diniscuss na cya tapos nagnuh-NO DEAL pa ako nung ending ng scene. Hayz.
So it was better than the last run. Hahaha.

So that's how FX night went... skimmed and censored na. Hahaha.
Mostly because pagod na ako at wala akong maaalala. Hahaha.

U can't imagine what was happening na right after.
Read in between the lines na lang dun sa
http://dewerants.blogspot.com/2007/09/carpe-diem.html

SEE THE PIX NA LANG: http://dewe52.multiply.com/photos/album/97/FX_Night_07

best viewed on http://dewerants.blogspot.com/

oompa-loompa

Tuesday, September 4 at 9:50 PM
Stupidity
HAPPY!!t*: 9.4: 9.51
BEWARE! Contagious: Come So Far - Hairspray...

Funny thing:We had a logistics committee meeting kaninang lunch wherein I was late.

Anyhow. Towards the end, Synjin asked: "what's your role in THE Chocolate Factory."

Naturally, I'd tell him off. I was about to say you don't even know the characters... until I remembered what he said. So I replied.

WILLY WONKA. Napa-"Oh my god!" siya. Pati si Mr Young nabigla kasi lead role ako and kailangan ako sa committee.

Grabe. Tawang-tawa ako! Pati si Michael nakahalata.

"Hindi naman Chocolate Factory play namin'eh!" Sabay niyan ang napakalakas na tawa. Hahaha!

Biglang sagot ni Michael: "Chocolate War, bobo. Oh yeah... sino ka nga pala? Janza?"

I just nodded. And laughed some more. Haha. ;-)
Right now, I'm still laughing. Reminds me of my Chinese lesson: deception.

best viewed on http://dewerants.blogspot.com

halimaw ka!

Saturday, August 11 at 9:30 PM
Text Jokes
HAPPY!!s*: 8.11: 9.38
BEWARE! Contagious: Beautiful Girls - Sean Kingston...

Well. While looking for the translations of fire station (istasyon ng bumbero... y didn't i think of this?), police station (himpilan ng pulis) and post office (tanggapan ng koreo) I found this site:http://textmates.blogspot.com/.
Funny sobra. Hahaha. Here are some of them:

In a gay beauty contest, question and answer portion. Juror: Here's your question, bukod sa mukha mo, ano pang problema mong halimaw ka?

Sometimes my mind asks, Why I miss you? Why I care for you? Why I remember you? Why I text you? Then my heart answered. Mental patient needs more care. =)

Lady employee to handsome boss: All the female workers are suing you for sexual harrassment, but since you have not done anything to me, I am suing you for discrimination!

Pedro: May ka-eyeball ako mamaya, ano kaya ang itsura nya? Kasi, sabi nya, may kamukha syang celebrity, "Sh" ang simula ng name. Juan: Jackpot ka, Pedro! Baka Sharon or Sheryl yan! Matapos ang eyeball, umuwi si Pedro. Juan: Kumusta ang eyeball mo? Bakit ka malungkot? Pedro: Shrek!

Dear anak, Naipadala ko na yung 50 thousand pang tuition mo, ipinagbili na namin yung kalabaw natin. Ang mahal pala ng Counter Strike na kurso! Wala na rin pala tayong mga baboy, naipagbili na rin namin para dun sa sinasabi mong project, Nokia N75 ba yun? Ang mahal naman ng project mo! Kasama din dun ang 7 thousand para sa field trip nyo sa Mall Of Asia. Malayo ba yun, bakit ang mahal? Isasangla pa namin ang palayan para mabili mo yung instrumentong iPod. Napailaw nyo na ba yung pinagpupuyatan nyong San Mig Lights? Sana, grumaduate ka na. Love, nanay.

Sa kasalan. Pari: Sana, ang donation mo ay katumbas ng ganda ng pakakasalan mo. Groom: Eto, P5 father. Tiningnan ng pari ang bride. Pari: Eto P2, sukli mo!

Movies that must not be translated into Filipino. Black Hawk Down - Ibong Maitim Sa Ibaba. Dead Man's Chest - Dodo ng Patay. I Know What You Did Last Summer - Uuyyy, Aminin! Love Actually - Sa Totoo Lang, Pag-Ibig. Million Dollar Baby - Milyun-milyong pisong sanggol (it depends on the exchange rate.) The Blair Witch Project - Ang Proyekto ng Bruhang Si Blair. Marry Poppins - Si Mariang May Putok. Snakes On A Plane - Nag-ahasan sa Ere.

Movies that must not be translated into Filipino III. Harry Potter And The Sorcerer's Stone - Adik Si Harry, Nagbabato. Click - Isang Pindot Ka lang. Brokeback Mountain - May Nawasak Sa Likod ng Bundok Tralala. There's Something About Mary - May Kwan Sa Ano Ni Maria. Employee Of The Month - Ang Sipsip. Resident Evil - Ang Biyenan. Kill Bill - Kilitiin sa Bilbil. The Grudge - Lintik Lang Ang Walang Ganti. Never Been Kissed - Pangit Kasi. Gone In 60 Seconds - Isang Round, Tulog. The Fast and The Furious - Ang Bitin, Galit! Too Fast, Too Furious - Kapag Sobrang Bitin, Sobrang Galit. Dude, Where's My Car? - Dong, Anung Level Ulet Tayo Nagpark? Beauty And The Beast - Ang Asawa Ko At Ang Nanay Nya!

Magkukumpare, nag-iisip na sa pangalan ng magiging anak. Noel: Ipapangalan ko sa anak ko, Leon, baliktad ng Noel. Nino: Sa akin, Onin, baliktad ng Nino. Toto: Huwag nyo akong maisali-sali dyan sa usapan nyo, upakan ko kayo!

Anak: Itay, paano po lumilipad ang eroplano? Itay: Ewan ko anak! Anak: Paano po ang barko nakakalutang sa tubig? Itay: Hindi ko rin alam anak! Anak: E bakit ang sasakyan, gumugulong sa lupa? Itay: Lalong hindi ko alam anak! Anak: Pasensya na itay ha, ang dami kong tanong. Itay: Talagang ganun anak, paano ka naman matututo kung hindi ka magtatanong?!

Tatay: Ano ba ang hanap mo dyan sa supot ng 3 in 1 coffee mo at kanina ka pang silip nang silip dyan? Anak: Hinahanap ko po ang libreng asukal! May nakasulat kasi na "Sugar Free" eh. Tatay: Bobo! Banda yun!


anyhow... back to making the newsletter. yawns. hayz.

best viewed on http://dewerants.blogspot.com

Tagalog Slang

Thursday, December 7 at 9:40 PM
These are so funny... I had to repost them:
Taken from www.astigmachism.com
**NOTE: Terms may be vulgar or green

Carinderia Terms:
  • TAPSILOG - Tapa, Sinangag, Itlog
  • LONGSILOG - Longganisa, Sinangag, Itlog
  • HOTSILOG - Hotdog, Sinangag, Itlog
  • PORKSILOG - Baboy, Sinangag, Itlog
  • CHICKSILOG - Chicken Sinangag Itlog
  • AZUCARERA - Adobong Aso
  • LUGLOG - Lugaw, Itlog
  • PAKAPLOG - Pandesal, Kape, Itlog
  • KALOG - Kanin, Itlog
  • PAKALOG - Pandesal, Kanin, Itlog
  • MAALOG NA BETLOG - Maalat na Itlog, Pakbet, Itlog
  • BAHAW - kaning lamig ito… pero may nagtinda, Bakang Inihaw
  • KALKAL - Kalderetang Kalabaw
  • HIMAS - Hipon Malasado
  • HIMAS SUSO - Hipon Malasado, Sugpo, Keso
  • HIMAS PEKPEK - Hipon Malasado, Kropek, Pinekpek’n
  • PEKPEK MONG MALAKI - Kropek, Pinekpek’n, Monggo, Malasado, Laing, Kilawin
  • DILA - Dinuguan, Laing
  • DILAAN MO - Dinuguan, Laing, Dalandan, Molo
  • BOKA BOKA - Bopis, Kanin, Bokayo, Kape
  • BOKA BOKA MO PA - Bopis, Kanin, Bokayo, Kape, Molong Pancit
  • KANTOT - Kanin, Tortang Talong
  • KANTOT PA - Kanin, Tortang Talong, Pancit
  • SIGE KANTOT PA - Sinigang na Pige, Kanin, Tortang Talong, Pancit
  • SIGE KANTOT PA IBAON MO - Sinigang na Pige, Kanin, Tortang Talong, Pancit… Take out
  • SIGE KANTOT PA HA - Sinigang na Pige, Kanin, Tortang Talong, Pancit, Halo-halo
  • SIGE KANTOT PA IBAON MO PAPA - Sinigang na Pige, Kanin, Tortang Talong, Pancit… Take out w/ Ketchup
  • PAKANTOT - Pandesal, Kanin, Tortang Talong
  • PAPAKANTOT - Papaitan, Kanin, Tortang Talong
  • PAPAKANTOT KA BA - Papaitan, Kanin, Tortang Talong, Kapeng Barako
  • PAKANTOT SA YO - Pandesal, Kanin, Tortang Talong, Saging… + Yosi
  • PAKANTOT KA - Pandesal, Kanin, Tortang Talong, Kape
  • PAKANTOT KA HABANG MATIGAS PA - Pandesal, Kanin, Tortang Talong, Kape, Inihaw na Bangus, Maruya, Tinola, Ginisang Aso, Pancit
  • SUBO - Sugpo, Bopis
  • SUBO MO - Sugpo, Bopis, Molo
  • SUBO MO PA - Sugpo, Bopis, Molo, Pancit
  • SUBO MO PA MAIGE - Sugpo, Bopis, Molo, Mais, Pige
  • SUBO MO TITE KO - Sugpo, Bopis, Molo, Tinola, Teriyaki, Kochinta
  • SUBO MO TITE KO BILIS! - Sugpo, Bopis, Molo, Tinola Teryaki, Kochinta, Bihon, Tawilis
  • SUBO MO TITE KO BILIS, HAYOP! - …same as above, minura mo lang yung waiter - kasi ang tagal ng order…

...

Hair Terms

  • WENEKLEK - Buhok sa utong(Nipple hair)
  • TUTSANG- Buhok sa butas ng ilong(Nose hairs)
  • ASOGUE - Buhok sa kili-kili(The hair under your armpits.)
  • MULMUL - Buhok sa gitna ng nunal(The hair that grows in the middle of a mole.)
  • BURNIK - Buhok sa paligid ng puwet(The hair that surrounds the anus.)
...

Sh^t Terms

  • KURIMAW - Dumi na naiiwan sa brief o panty(Toxic residue left in underwear - also known as "skid marks".)
  • TUBOL - Malaking piraso ng tae(A large piece of feces..)
  • PUYUKOT - maliliit o mabibilog na piraso ng tae (parang sa pusa)(Small or Roundish pieces of manure - like cat poop.)
  • URMOT - Matubig na tae(Watery shit.)
  • BURIS - Matubig na tae, parang gripo ang puwet(Watery shit, like your ass just became a faucet.)
  • BULTOKACHI - Tubig na bumabalik sa puwet ‘pag nalaglag ang isang malaking ebak.(Water that splashes back on the anus when a large piece of shit falls.)
  • MCARTHUR - Tae na bumabalik pagkatapos i-flush.(Shit that comes back after you flush.)
...

Other Slang Terms

  • TRIPOKTIK - Huling tulo ng ihi(The last droplets of piss.)
  • PUKANE - Kulangot na tumigas sa loob ng ilong(Dried boogers that hardened inside your nose.)
  • KALAMANTUTAY - Mabahong pangalan(A bad smelling/sounding name)
  • SPONGKLONG - Bagong wikaan para sa isang tangang tao(New wording for a stupid person.)
  • HALIPAROT - Malanding bakla(A faggot who is "too" friendly.)
  • LAPONGGA - Kahalintulad ng laplapan o lamasan(Akin to brutal French-kissing or over-enthusiastic fondling.)
  • BAKOKANG - Higanteng peklat na makintab ang takip(Giant scar with a shiny crust.)
  • BAKTOL - Baho galing sa katawan bunga ng pawis(Body odor brought on by too much sweat.)
  • JABAR - Basang kili-kili (Wet Armpits.)
  • BASKIL - Basang kili-kili(Wet armpits.)
  • BASTI - Basang titi(Wet penis.)
  • SPRIKITIK - Libag na naipon sa relo(The body dirt that accumulates in watches and watch bracelets.)